5 Things I’m Officially Too Old For

27 is a weird age. I’m, like, officially in my late 20s (I had some plausible deniability at 26), I have a consistent relationship, I own a house, and yet I still feel like I’m a very large child who doesn’t know how to do basic things, like…get their oil changed consistently, or wash their face every night (I know, I know, roast me in the comments).

And yet, I’ve noticed in the last year or so I’ve had a thought pop up when I’ve heard about a meme, a trend, a behavior: I’m too old for this. I definitely didn’t think I would be getting this grandma-y at ripe old age of 27, but there are definitely things that I…just feel too old for. Not because I’m old, but because I don’t think that ish is worthy of my time or attention anymore.

Here are the 5 things I’m too old for:

Keeping Up with Slang

This is going to make me look like a terrible fuddy-duddy, but I’m going to tell this story anyway. My partner and I, both in our twenties, had to look up the actual definition of Yeet the other day because neither of us knew what it meant. (I felt I had a spiritual understanding of Yeet, and I was correct. But I was uncertain.) Needless to say, it is not something I even feel comfortable using in an ironic sense at this point.

Don’t let me be misunderstood – I love slang, meme culture, living on the internet. There’s nothing wrong with slang. (In fact, hit me up about the evolution of language. It hinges on the youths.) I’m just not actively seeking it out anymore, nor am I moving in circles on the internet where I’m consistently introduced to new slang. If it comes to me, and I like it, I’ll use it. If I don’t, well. I don’t. I only have so much attention to pay. I’m okay with this. Yeet, I guess.

Keeping Up with Pop Music

This is kind of the same idea, but I had this moment a few weeks ago where I snuck over to the Pop Rising playlist on Spotify to take a peek at what the kids were listening to and literally knew like, none of the artists. And I didn’t really…feel anything about that? Neither a burning desire to know more, nor a guilty pang that I wasn’t keeping up. Just…sweet nothingness. The void. Enlightenment.

Again, I can get behind pop music. I am, in fact, listening to Ariana Grande’s “Bad Idea” for the 2390487320498th time this week, because Thank You, Next is a bop machine. But I’m not going to spend time chasing the new shiny thing because it’s new and shiny anymore. If I like it, I like it. If I don’t…thank you, next.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

When I was younger, I let a lot of bad behavior slide from my friends, my coworkers, strangers on the street, because I didn’t want to stir the pot, or I felt like I didn’t have the right to stir the pot. Needless to say, the more I learn about being an ally, and being a feminist, the more I open my mouth, because the risk of staying silent no longer outweighs the risk of speaking up.

Are there times when you should keep your mouth shut? Sure. You need to learn when to pick your battles. But if someone is being an asshole, being racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or just freaking rude and not conscientious of the people around them, I’m going to say something. Kindly, and perhaps with some statistics sprinkled in. But I’m going to say something.

Unless your immediate safety or the safety of others is at risk, or it’s a risk to your well-being (thinking employment here), you should say something, too.

Caring What Strangers Think

When I was 18, 21, 24, I always left the house with a little bit of makeup on – tinted moisturizer, mascara, brows, a little lip balm. No matter what I was doing — just going to the Starbucks drive-through, hitting up the DMV, picking up a script at CVS. I told myself that this was caring about my appearance and taking care of myself, but I realize now it was me acting on my insecurity about my skin (which is all trash, all the time, even at 27).

Now, I go to work without makeup most days, pimples, acne scars, and dark circles be damned. It’s 15 minutes I get back in my morning (sleep! yoga! coffee!); I’m good with this because I realized I was doing it for other people, not myself. Do I still put on makeup on days when I want to wear a colorful lip? Yep. But most days, I just don’t care.

This applies to other things aside from makeup, too. Swearing in public, wearing shirts or pins about feminism, calling people out for bad behavior (see above). I don’t have time for the opinions of strangers. The opinions of people who matter to me, yes. I take them into consideration. Everyone else…I just don’t have the bandwidth. Not sorry.

Not Owning the Things I Like

For the longest time, I kept my interests in manga, anime, and graphic novels on the low-low because I had absorbed this negative stereotype about the kinds of people who enjoyed those things, one that I didn’t ascribe too. The more people I met who were open about their interests and talked to me about these things, the more I realized that by being quiet about my interests, I was 1) perpetuating those stereotypes and 2) limiting my ability to meet cool-ass people who shared my interests.

Everyone contains multitudes: For instance, I’m interested in fashion, poetry, anime, documentaries, literature, politics, and social justice. By hiding my interests from the world, the only person I was limiting was myself and my ability to connect with people, and my ability to cultivate new interests! So own your shit. It’s what makes you you, and that’s pretty freaking cool, imo.

What do you think?

What are you too old for? Do any of these resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below!