Everyone recognizes how difficult it is to deal with rejection, but many overlook the fact that having to reject someone can be equally as difficult. In college, there are inevitably going to be scenarios where a guy asks for your phone number and you’re not interested.
Allowing yourself to be guilted into giving out your personal information in order to avoid hurting someone’s ego is not the answer. Instead, try one of the strategies below to minimize the awkwardness the next time you want to withhold your digits:
Table of Contents
Put Safety First
Say that you don’t feel comfortable sharing your personal information. This is the truth, and therefore the best place to start.
You don’t have to mention the fact that you aren’t interested regardless. Explain that you’ve had negative experiences in the past and as a general rule, you don’t give out your phone number to anyone you don’t know well. This way, he won’t feel singled out and the rejection will feel less personal.
It would be nice if things stopped here, but unfortunately many guys can’t seem to take a hint and will continue to pressure you. Which brings us to…
Ask for His Phone Number Instead
If a guy will not let it go, ask for his phone number instead. You never have to call or text him, he doesn’t have your phone number, and he generally will be appeased for the time being.
Be cautious: this idea isn’t without its faults! I’ve been in situations where I thought this method was foolproof – until the guy decided to call himself from my phone after entering his number. To avoid this, make sure to always enter the information yourself.
Tell Him You Have a Significant Other
I’m not a big proponent of lying (unless of course, you do have a S.O.) but this method is one of the best ways to get a guy to leave you alone.
If you say you have a significant other, most times he’ll back off immediately or at least respect your decision to withhold your phone number.
Now, I personally think it’s disappointing that we even have to do this — why does a man respect another man’s “claim” to you more than he respects your choice? — but sometimes it’s necessary. Plus, in a list of tips on how to avoid giving out your number, I’d be remiss not to share something that works.
Tell Him to Find You Another Way
Between Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, LinkedIn, e-mail and all of the other tech-based communication platforms out there today, there are plenty of ways to give him a means to contact you without actually giving him your phone number. I recommend this for situations in which you meet a guy who you might actually be interested in, but still don’t know that well. It’s a great way to leave the opportunity for communication open while maintaining a degree of distance.
You should be sure you kind of like him before you do this, though. Don’t allow someone you aren’t interested in to add you on social media because, although it may seem like a harmless compromise, giving out even the least bit of your personal information can lead to more awkward encounters in the future and can even be dangerous!
Just Say No
Some women have absolutely no problem turning people down without guilt, and I admire them for it. We should all strive to be these women. Sometimes just saying “no” is necessary. Being direct keeps your intentions clear and leaves no room for confusion or misinterpretation.
Additional Advice:
- I do NOT recommend giving a guy a fake phone number. First of all, he’ll quickly realize what has happened, possibly while you’re still beside him, which leads to even more awkwardness. Secondly, you have no idea whose number you are actually giving out, and it’s rude to shift your burden onto a stranger.
- Usually when a guy is going to ask for your number, there is some type of build-up. They might introduce themselves, compliment you, or tell you how they’re going to be oh-so-successful. When you see it coming, try not to have your phone out while he’s talking to you or he’ll likely use it as an invitation to ask for your number. Also, use body language to your advantage and do what you can to be polite, without furthering the conversation. Showing an attitude of disinterest can sometimes be enough to keep a guy from asking.
- If the person asking for your number is someone that you’ll have to see again, it’s best to just be honest with them. Prolonging the situation will end up making things worse for everyone involved.
At the end of the day, you have the right to choose who you want to share your personal information with, and you shouldn’t have to apologize for your decisions. Never give out your phone number simply because you feel pressured. Try one of the techniques above or develop your own strategy.
What do you think?
How have you dealt with situations like this in the past? Let me know in the comments below!
Guys still ask for your number even when you get theirs first. Golden rule, if I girl hasn’t asked for your number she doesn’t want it. I think women can be afraid to give out their number if they don’t have a good excuse as some men can get really aggressive.
I think you should just say no if you’re not interested. You have no obligation to that guy to tell him if you have a boyfriend, lie or not. He should just respect your wishes and move on to a girl who maybe more interested <3
Thank you for this. In a perfect world, men would just respect us just not being interested, instead of us having to justify our lack of interest until he decides to back off. It sucks, it really does. However, I’m glad you wrote this, for people who still have a hard time saying NO outright. Not everyone is confident enough to do that yet. I’m glad you reiterated throughout that it is the MEN that have the problem, and that we should never apologize for not being interested. Nice article.
I’m one of the people who can get behind the whole “I have a boyfriend” line. Yes, guys are the one with the problem and I SHOULD be able to just say no, but my number one concern is my safety, not making a statement. One night when I was out with my friends a guy asked for my number and I said no. I tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm, so hard it left a bruise. My friends came over at that point and got me out of there. Maybe it would have turned out to be nothing but I was shaken. My friends have had it worse and I was there to witness it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be able to just say no because it is guys with the problem, but safety is more important in the moment.
How about we stop with all of the excuses and fakery and just tell the guy we’re not interested. Why is it our immediate go-to to say “I’ve got a boyfriend”? Why can’t we just be single and not interested?!
Women have been making up excuses for far too long because men can’t seem to understand that maybe they are not entitled to our affection. A woman does not need a man to be complete. Just say “Thanks, but I’m not interested”. If he persists, just repeat the phrase. Sure, his ego may be hurt, but he’s got to grow up and realize that he is not entitled to our attention, affection, or interest.
I appreciate this post. And to all the ladies saying we should just be honest and say no, I tend to agree, but with all the things that have been going on when women say no to men recently, using a fake or real S.O. as an excuse doesn’t seem like the worst option.
My favorite is when I tell a guy I have a boyfriend (it’s not a lie, I actually do have a boyfriend) and his response is “so?” This has happened multiple times and each time I can’t even believe that someone would think that’s ok. Even if I was lying about being in a relationship, you look like a cheating jerk that I want nothing to do with.
Lay off guys! This is a great article!