Let’s face it. Contrary to what happens on most TV shows (I’m talking to you, Gossip Girl), odds are that you probably didn’t start the semester attending the same college as your boyfriend or girlfriend.
LDRs are pretty common on college campuses, especially in September, when many girls are still dating their summer flings. However, as I’ve learned from countless friends, October and November seem to be the time when most LDRs start to fizzle out.
But don’t worry. Even though long-distance relationships in college can be difficult, I’m here to tell you that everything is going to be okay.
You see, readers, I happen to be in one myself – a very long-distance relationship that spans the Atlantic Ocean. So I feel your pain.
Here are a couple helpful tips that I’ve learned for keeping that long-distance flame burning through fall and beyond.
Table of Contents
1. You Both Have to Want to Make it Work.
The number one most important factor in the success of a long-distance relationship is your mutual desire to make it work, no matter what.
Yes, you might like the idea of staying together despite the distance initially, but after a few months, you’ll both start to realize how tough LDRs really are. And when that time comes, a firm commitment is what will get you through.
You both have to be willing to work through the problems that will inevitably arise, instead of dropping the relationship at the first sign of trouble.
Also, it’s not enough for one of you to be committed – long distance relationships don’t work unless both parties are equally dedicated and willing to put in the time and energy required.
One-sided relationships never succeed in the long term, and this is doubly true when you add distance to the equation. If you start to notice you’re putting way more effort into the relationship than your boyfriend or girlfriend, it might be time to rethink things.
2. Communication is Key.
This probably sounds pretty obvious, but communication is key to maintaining a long-distance relationship – and it’s not as simple as just text messages and phone calls.
Sharing concerns and frustrations with each other is essential. It’s important not to bottle up your insecurities. Instead, just share your feelings with him or her. Be clear about how you feel – whether those feelings are good or bad.
Here are some of my favorite ways to communicate!
Video Chatting
If you haven’t done this already, set up regular FaceTime dates and stick to them.
When you start to miss hanging out with each other, FaceTime or Zoom is a great way to chat face-to-face and do something together. Sometimes you don’t even need words! My BF and I like to video chat with each other while we’re both working on separate projects. That way we can casually chat and do our work at the same time. It’s like being in the same room together.
However, waiting all day for your BF or GF to FaceTime you so that you two can chat is definitely not the way to go – believe me, I’ve done it multiple times. Sooner or later you realize that there has to be some sort of schedule.
For example, between studying for midterms, completing assignments and hanging out with friends, it may be hard for you and your boy or girl to get a hold of each other. That, my dear readers, is where the FaceTime scheduling begins.
Find a time every night (or every other night) that works for both of you – but keep time zones in mind! What’s a good time for you may not always be a good time for them and vice-versa.
Snail Mail
Believe it or not, hand-written postcards and letters always feel more personal than texts and emails. Take some time out of your day to send your significant other a letter every few weeks.
And be creative! Send poems, drawings, photos or things that remind you of each other. Send them a wallet-sized photo or one of your favorite bracelets for them to hold onto.
And the next time you see him or her, snag one of their tee shirts to wear to bed. Because even though you two can’t cuddle together, it’s nice to have something that smells like that special someone.
Other Great Ways to Communicate:
- Emails
- Sending each other TikToks or Instagram memes
- Daily Texts
- GChat
- Phone Calls
3. Patience is a Virtue.
No matter how hard you try, you probably won’t be speaking to each other as often as you used to, but you just have to be patient. There will be missed calls and unanswered texts, and that is something that you just need to come to terms with in a long-distance relationship.
But the important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t spend your time waiting around for a message to pop up in your inbox.
So if you’re a bit on the impatient side, the best way calm your anxiety is by keeping yourself busy. Join a campus club, start volunteering or hang out with your friends!
That way, you won’t be waiting around by the phone all day and you’ll have some great stories to share when you guys do talk.
4. You Have Nothing Without Trust.
Every relationship needs trust, but it’s especially crucial for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship.
Of course, even I can’t resist the occasional stalking of who is in my boyfriend’s Instagram stories or who is commenting on his posts. But it’s important not to read too much into stories or comments by other girls — because you have to realize (even though it’s hard sometimes) that while you’re enjoying meeting new people and experiencing the college social scene, he or she is doing the same.
So don’t try to suffocate your partner by being too controlling. Jealously and drama will destroy any relationship – long-distance or not.
You really need to trust that your significant other is making the right decisions, and they need to trust that you’re doing the same If he or she starts to question your social media activities, then maybe it’s time for you two to have a serious discussion.
Remember that one of the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship is finding out who you are as an individual. This also means finding the right balance between hanging out with new friends and spending time with your significant other.
They shouldn’t expect you to spend all your time chatting with them, and you shouldn’t expect that either. You both need to go out and enjoy college life!
Trusting your boy or girlfriend not only calms your nerves but it also leads to a happier and healthier relationship.
5. Look Toward the Future.
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, and one of the best ways to survive a long-distance relationship is by setting small goals. For example, start a countdown to the next time that you two will see each other.
And hang in there! What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Whether it succeeds or fizzles, every relationship is a learning experience. At the end of the day, you’ll learn more about your own personal strengths and weaknesses from this experience.
What do you think of our guide to long distance relationships in college?
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Or are you currently in one? Tell me the kinds of things you and your BF or GF do to keep your relationship strong!
I would love to hear your experiences. Just leave me a comment!
this is a great article. I sent it to my boyfriend (we’re in a LDR too) and he said it was inspiring to see that we’re already doing most of these things, and that most of the comments are positive. I have to say, someone commented about LDRs being “worth it in the end’ and I’m a little weirded out by that idea.. shouldn’t it be worth it the entire time? What exactly is “the end”, anyways? When you’re back in the same location, when you’ve got a ring, or when you’re dead? I think if you’re not happy with a relationship, long distance or otherwise, than what’s the point? Thanks for the great (perfectly timed!) article!
This article is perfect, and i’m sure many girls and guys out there can relate. I’m in an LDR too, we’ve known each other for ages but didn’t actually start dating since the past summer..it’ll almost be 6 months now that we’ve been together, and we live on opposite sides of the globe so time differences are a big issue but we still manage to make it work! Skype, chatting, and texts help a lot 🙂
Hey I am in a long distance relationship myself like very long. He lives in Denmark and I live in the US. I’m sooo terrified that when college starts for him again and for me for the first time. That we will slowly fall off. Deeper insight… we have a 6 hour time difference so that doesnt help at all. I’m just so worried. I love him so much and we skype everyday and have movie dates and such. And I’m just terrified I’ll lose the most important guy in my life. He goes back to college in 11 days. I pray we can still make time for each other. I guess if we can over come this challenge together, we can overcome anything together❤
Hey, I am back to a long distance relationship. We were both a course-mate at school and I had a crush on him on the very first day I saw him. He never noticed that. We met again after 15 years via FB. He don’t seem to recognize me, so I told him we were at the same college and I had feelings for him.
Simple conversation has changed everything. And, I can’t believe we are now in a relationship. Unexpectedly.
We both really want to make this happened and we are counting days to meet up again after 15 years. For now, we only had texts and telephone conversation.
I have to agree with you that do not look so much on his Facebook walls. Because that just will lead to something necessary. Trust is all we have.
Thank you for sharing the tips.
My girlfriend just left for school yesterday. I just moved to this state a year ago, so she was and still is really my only friend. We’re both the same age, but in two months I’ll be going off to boot camp for the US Navy. I am currently working on getting a job to keep me distracted, but it’s hard when i’m only here for two more months. My entire year here has been spent with her. We’ve gone up and down the east coast, traveled to different countries together, and have gone on countless road trips. I am at her house everyday, and so when she left for school, it was really hard. Generally, I’m a pretty strong guy, but I broke down yesterday. I know she’ll do great in school though, and we’ll stay strong together. I have never loved someone as much as I love her, and I would do anything for her. That’s why i’m staying committed and know that we will get through this. I’m not sure if anyone actually will read this or why I’m even writing this. Maybe it’s helping me, I don’t know. I guess all I can say to people who are experiencing the same thing as me is to hold on. Don’t give up on each other. It will be hard, it will take work, but don’t ever give up on the ones you love. If you love them enough, you’ll do anything to keep them. Hang in there, everyone.
Dude im in the same dang thing! @tyler
Am in an Ldr met this girl on facebook am in west africa and she is in washington we love each other so much but i am in the university and i’ve got 4 years to go before i can think of seeing her i dont know how this whole stuff is gonna work out am confused
I’m currently attending college in Chicago. I have a boyfriend living in Alabama/Florida. It’s hard because I want the chance to live with him, but I want to finish up school and get my degree! Once I graduate we can be together. I figured once he settles down to his own place and next summer when I’m off I can spend it with him! Sure I won’t see him in school but this should make up for it!
My boyfriend and I spend absolutely all our time together in college and then each summer he goes to Cali for an internship (we’re in Hawaii for school). We have been doing this for almost three years now.
However, he just got another internship last minute..in Texas!! So here I was expecting to spend the next four months and now I get 8 days with him. It’s good to just read some of these tips even though I deal with it every year. Seven months will be a big change from the usual three… But it should work out as long as we keep working at it!
thanx for such beautiful tips…………… i m currently in a long distance relationship, we both love each other a lottttttt, we both understand each other…. we normally get time for each other at night….. that too if he is not tired enough…………. but even then he calls me up just to say good night and love u………… which really means a lot to me………..
I feel we share a strong bonding………… he is the best guy that i would have ever had in my life…………but sometimes i used to get impatient but reading this article has helped me a lottt…………..i guess now our relationship would get more stronger than before…..
I am also currently in a long distance relationship with my boy. I live in Nova Scotia, and he lives in Alberta. For those of you who don’t know your Canadian geography, I’m on the East Coast, and he’s one province away from being on the West Coast.
We met at a university summer program, and were only dating for two weeks before we had to go our seperate ways. We talked about it, and decided that we had something special, neither of us wanted to end it. He’s in his first year of college, and I’m in my senior year of high school, so that makes it kind of difficult to visit eachother. Plus there’s the money issue, plane tickets across the country are expensive, and neither of us has a really good job to pay for it. We don’t know when we’re going to see eachother again, which most people say will make our relationship crash and burn, but both of us really want to make this work.
I really believe that we can make this work, but it’s definitely going to be hard. He’s not great with communication, and he has been really busy with college lately. I’ve tried to tell him that I need more communication, and it always ends with him telling me he will text / skype with me more often, but then he never does. We were great at talking when we were together, even though it had to be in a language both of us were trying to learn. We could talk and laugh together for hours, about anything, and we were consantly together, but now we can hardly talk for an hour over skype. It doesn’t feel as personal, and I’m just realizing this while writing, our relationship was really physical, a lot of pointing and some silence while we were trying to figure out how to translate somthing. I just want this to work, I’m worried, but we love eachother enough to try.
I have been in one long distance relationship before, but it didn’t work out well because I was not being treated the way I should….But, now I have been in another relationship with one truly amazing guy I have been dating him for about a year and two months and honestly it feels soo much longer! I am going to school though next week all the way in atlanta, georgia and he is staying in california to finish his schooling and transfer over to be closer to me. I love him so much and honestly if it were any other guy I would say NO, but all the listed above tips are soo true and him and i are going to follow this advice as well as others like it is the Bible itself…
Well I’ve been in a long distance relationship for six years. I live in California and he lives in Texas, we are each others first boyfriend and girlfriend. I broke up with him once thinking I wanted to try the local relationship, but in the end I felt there was more trust and communication from a long distance relationship. It’s definitely hard, I just finished high school and I’m going to start college in the Fall. We met after 3 years and have been visiting each other at least once a year. I can’t see myself with anyone else, but him in the long run. It is definitely worth it if both of you are committed. I plan to move over there and finish school in Texas after I finish my general ed. 🙂 Hope living the college life isn’t going to strain my relationship. Wish everyone in LDR the best of luck, and trust me it can truly work as long as you both try.
College is starting tomorrow for my boyfriend of three years, and we are both going to be missing each other. We are each others firsts, so we have no experience in LDR’s otherwise. Great article though! I learned quite a lot!
This article was very helpful to me. I’m going to college in a month at Colorado State University and my boyfriend of 8 months is going to Dallas, Texas! I know he’s the one I want to be with long after college, but the four/five years ahead made me doubt if that would happen. Now that I know how to make it work, and I read some success stories (thanks, people who commented!) I’m a lot more confident that we’ll make it through!
:'( while i’m reading this, i’m missing my bf…hehe, i totally agree to all those tips esp. the trust thing. if you put more doubts than trust, then you’re relationship will go down the drain. all my friends kept asking me how did I ever survive. then i paused and answered “prayer and trust” because our relationship is basically built on that foundation. Today is our monthsary by the way, and I like to greet my boyfriend, Happy Monthsary mi! I love you so much! :*I’m thankful to have someone like you in my life. we’ll be turning one year this may 18. i’m so excited. hehe, i hope we’ll have more years and monthsaries to celebrate our love. <3